How to Eat Oysters

Oysters are a special treat. A delicacy.

Everyone should be eating oysters. They’re good for you. It’s rewarding when you finally learn how to eat them properly and there’s great satisfaction when you do.

Plus they’re juicy and mostly yummy, but you definitely want the washed one. Even better if they’re debearded but not essential.

Shucked oysters on a platter

But with all delicacies there are ways of eating them.

You can’t just get in there. You need to talk about what she likes, how she likes it and any other details she has about eating her oyster.

(We’re hoping you realize what we mean by oysters…uhm….you know…pussy right.)

So here’s our unofficial guide on how to eat oysters

TheBeauty TheBeast TV’s Unofficial Guide to Eating Oysters

  1. Make sure you’re both comfortable. If you’re going the distance make sure you’re lying down. Your knees just won’t be able to handle it.
  2. Kiss all the way down from the cleavage till you reach the gates of heaven, then kiss around and on the gates, lingering kisses are best.
  3. Slowly and gently spread open the gates of heaven with one hand (extra tip here: keep your fingernails clipped). With your other hand stroke the inner thigh.
  4. Gently lick and tongue the tunnel to heaven.
  5. Move up to the grounds below the holy button and kiss the grounds.
  6. Move up to the holy button; kiss, lick and gently suck the button. (You can also gently blow on it. Flicking the button with your tongue is also good.)
  7. Repeat steps 5 to 7.
  8. If and when you feel a hand push on your head, it’s time to simulate eating. Think: om nom nom nom.
  9. The more pressure on your head the more you eat. Don’t focus entirely on the holy button, keep a healthy attention on tonguing the tunnel.
  10. Adjust according to the moaning and movement as well as the pressure on your head.

If done correctly you will hear the gratifying sounds of joy and sexual ecstasy.

Here’s a diagram of what you should lick, kiss and suck

Diagram illustrating how to eat an oyster
Courtesy of some legend on the internet
Decorative image

When you know you’re doing it right

Water theme park giant bucket spilling out water

See how it’s done – get our spicy video “Pleasuring TheBeauty”

YouTube thumbnail featuring a person lying down facing forward in a mask

What tips have you got for eating oysters? Got something special to add to our guide? Did we miss something important?

Let us know!

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