Simple rules for visiting Brothels

Lots of men visit brothels everyday but there’s not a lot of information around about the etiquette for visiting them.

Okay there is but how many men are going to use Google to search for “brothel etiquette” or “rules for visiting brothels”.

Single men might but then I don’t know too many single men that would want that on their browser history just in case. There would be even fewer married men wanting that on their browser history, especially if they have a family plan with everyone’s accounts linked together.

It seems though that most guys think they know everything they need to know because of Hollywood, sitcoms and GTA.

I was lucky knowing a few older men when I was a younger man; they gave me a bunch of good advice about visiting brothels. They also gave me some really, really crap advice too.

But then you should be listening to the women working there. They’ll tell you what’s what if you’re prepared to listen!

So here’s my list of simple rules for when you visit your local brothel.

• Shit, shave (if you want to), shower and brush your teeth before going. Think of it like a date. And if you don’t do this for your date, then you’re a pretty shitty date.
• Put on deodorant; don’t show up smelling like shit!
• Don’t show up with a suitcase of stuff or your own sex toys; they don’t want to see your collection of stuff and they won’t use your toys!
• Don’t make a mess of the room. It’s often the sex worker who has to clean up the room, wasting their time.
• Whether you’re a smoker or not, chew a breath mint before going in.
• Make sure you take extra cash with you – you’ll need it for tipping the woman who serviced you after you’re finished and for any extra service(s) you might request. A golden rule for this is to take twice as much as the service fee.
• Don’t be rude, don’t be arrogant, don’t be a snob. You don’t own them and they aren’t there to satisfy every need you have. The one job they have is to make sure you cum (and if you can’t it’s not their fault).
• Don’t insist on something if they say no; they’re not obliged to do what you want. Bringing your favourite pornography in and insisting they perform those acts isn’t your right.
• When you get there you will have to shower so just shower again. Don’t complain about it. The water doesn’t hurt.
• Don’t yell at the women and DO NOT hit the women or have rough sex – very few of them like it and they’re not your property. The women often have children, boyfriends or husbands and hurting them could find yourself in a world of hurt yourself! If you want to get violent or have rough sex get yourself a girlfriend or better still get a masturbator!
• When you’re finished they aren’t obliged to give you a massage or rub your feet. If you want that go to a massage parlor.
• Kissing is extra – it always has been and always will be!
• Don’t ask for natural service. Use a condom! FFS!
• If they say no to something you want, don’t get mad and try to force them to do it. No means no you rapist!
• Don’t ask about drugs but if you do and they don’t offer to get them or sell them to you, don’t get crazy – not every sex worker is on drugs or wants to sell you drugs.
• They don’t owe you cigarettes. They don’t owe you anything – you are not doing them any favors. You’re a dime a dozen.
• Don’t bargain about the price. It’s their body so it’s their price. How much would you charge to have someone fuck you? Seriously!
• If a girl doesn’t want to service you after introductions that’s their right – just pick a different girl. Don’t complain about it.
• If you didn’t like the service of one of the girls, don’t complain to another girl about it. You know they talk with each other and compare notes right?
• They don’t care about your life story and they aren’t impressed with your claims of wealth or the sort of car you drive or if you bought another house.
• Don’t go on about why you’re there instead of with your wife or girlfriend. It makes you sound pathetic and frankly quite stupid!
• When you’re done, you’re done. If you’re done before the time you’ve booked, don’t waste their time insisting that the time booked is used.
• If you can’t get hard it’s not their fault.
• If you want extra time don’t wait until the end of your time to ask for it. If you know early on let them know as soon as possible.
• Say thank you when you leave the room and thank the staff working there
• If you make a booking make sure you go to the booking and if you can’t make it, then phone up and cancel it.

These rules basically boil down to:

• Be clean and smell nice
• Be respectful and don’t be arrogant or try to talk yourself up
• Don’t run down your girlfriend or wife or other workers at the brothel
• Don’t complain about refusal of service or having to wear a condom
• Don’t get rough and never, ever slap, hit, bite or kick your sex worker
• Tip your sex worker when you leave – brothel owners take a pretty big cut of the fee you pay!
• Don’t EVER attempt to negotiate the price!

There’s nothing wrong with visiting brothels but lots of men behave badly, very badly when they visit their local brothel – they’re not sub-human because they perform sex work.

It’s absolutely crazy that our society continues to want to criminalise sex work.

Sex work is work!

The rules I’ve outlined also apply if you’re visiting a sex worker in their home (in-calls).

It’s their home and you should respect their home. And if it costs more than visiting the brothel don’t complain because it’s their home or go to the brothel instead!

You can have a great time at your local brothel but you don’t have to be a dickhead.

Don’t be one of those guys who thinks they’re better. The truth is you aren’t better and you have no idea about their situation or why they work there.

Enjoy the company and service, be respectful, give a tip and leave with a smile!

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